imma break these chains.

wow. my birthday was pretty decent compared to last year and having to go to prayers for my mom's uncle. didn't really do much. went to stirling got some ice cream, went to gma's which was interesting. i guess the quote of the day was forgive and forget. went to the mall and tried on dresses at winners. tried on a dress that i didn't think would look good on me and i liked it. quote two of the day don't judge a book by its over. coco pazzo was delish and my grandma can make that cake and i will never ever hate it. i guess i can wait for a party some other time.

4/6 mods for english done, only 2 more for thursday, but i might be going to calgary.. don't know if that's going to happen. but if i went it would give me a chance to visit with my stepsisters. and they love me lol.

i'm so confused with everything. people make no sense, people who i think hate me are telling me happy birthday, and people who i thought were my friends think i'm a bitch. i just don't know.

let me out this cage.

i am over you. but why do you keep on coming back to me. do you not realize what you do makes no one like you? all you have is your ugly ass boyfriend of "ten" months. you just use him because he's moved out and you can escape there. i dont even see how your life is that bad. yeah, the parents are a bit bitchy, but you have everything.

holy balls. 6 freaking days till bittersweet seventeen as i am calling it. not doing anything because i have no friends and no money. oh well, i will make it awesome. or maybe i can do something later on.

oh fuck me. manwhore is back. and i don't want anything to do with him. thank god im probably going to see my gma tomorrow. bill probably didnt get me anything for my birthday either. and i dont really care. i wish my mother never got a prenup. could of divorced the bitch and taken all his money... even though he'd probably take all my mothers because he's a manipulative/persuasive bitch like that.

now that this house situation is over... i wish you would just divorce her already. can't you see all she has done is drive us apart? we used to do all these things but now, its just like we are more apart. i miss how everything was before all of this shit happened. the floats, milkshakes, the late night movies, the hide-a-bed.

ignorance is your new best friend

wow. 14 days till my birthday. where has july gone? so much has already happened and i'm not sure what to think... apologies and jealousy. i think it's obvious we are both kinda jealous of each other. and that apology shocked me. i think its going to be a bit awkward next time we see each other because we haven't talked in forever...
we need to hang out soon... but to a sense i feel replaced by your work friends. you tell me of how they take you out to movies and it just sounds like you have more fun with them than me.
well since my birthday is a no go... with the money i get is going to italy for sure and maybe a gym membership. i want to get into shape for grad.. even though thats not till next june.
i can't wait till august. jess is taking me back to milk river for parties. and i haven't partied in forever! but i am kinda on edge about it because i know no one out there and who knows whats going to happen.
this english i am attempting is really hard. i wish to a sense i just stuck it out with bitch face, but i have a hard time paying attention.. oh well...
i dont really know what else to say...

you'll go out in style.

the internet is so pointless lately. on facebook all people ever do is update their status to retarded things like 'doing to take a shower' and 'LOL I'm soooo stoned'. like i don't give a shit about that. nor is there anything better to do on the internet besides blog when it is most likely no one is going to read it anyways.

i have been really thinking a lot about friday lately. i don't know why you wont talk to me and just think that our friendship is over. just because i walk away means that i don't ever want to talk to you anymore? what the hell did you want me to say? just... ugh. then you just go to amber. is she your back-up friend or something? like what? i try to contact you and you don't answer. i obviously want to talk to you about this, but it seems like you dont want to hear what i say. at least i have a friend that will listen to me for the most part. i guess the boys can just pick on you now.

my summer is going to suck. i have to do some intense working on my english.. which i have to do basically 2 mods in a week. i hate how i procrastinate. i need to be with people who can motivate me. because the only time i ever feel like doing anything is late at night. but that isn't that healthy. i am so scared for this social final. but to a sense i feel like i know a lot of it.

i hate having to make this decision even though i have made up my mind in my head. i want to go with my auntie but i love my dad too, but adele can go fuck herself. ugh. all i feel i ever do on here is rant rant rant.

fuck you like a billionaire.

wow. so school is basically done except for an exam then its summer 09 for me. so far, its been amazing and jason, ashley and i went to calgary yesterday. went to the zoo and shopped for a bit. and of course what's a trip to calgary without getting lost? bahaha.

i think you guys are warming up to me and getting to know me better. y'know... with the me acting like a fag whilst being intoxicated. but everyone knows i only do that in front of close friends and if i feel like.... taking my clothes off... but i am no longer known as 'it' by ted.

home life has been such a piss off lately. my mom is all anal about getting my trip paid off even though i have paid like 3/4 of it myself so far. and she's all worrying about me and getting my summer school stuff finished but it's not even my fault because the stupid fucking lady didn't give me ALL of the shit nor did she tell me what i was really supposed to be doing. so now that's like 2 and a half weeks wasted and nothing has been handed in because they guy gave me my mod one back so i could do a better job on it. but ashley and jason said they would help me do it so i could be done quicker =).

i don't really know what to do or say to you anymore. there are those days where yeah, i would rather hang out and be with them, but i like being there and talking to you too about the deep stuff. i dont want to do this to you, but this is just how things are at the moment.

i don't blame you for not wanting to come home sober. or stay sober at home. my mom is pissing me off more and more and it's parcially her fault. if she didnt want me spending money then why did she let me go to calgary. whatever.

things still feel and seem really complicated right now, but i don't have to deal with bitches right now. another thing that makes me mad is that i am pretty sure i have known you longer than she has but you would rather be on 'good terms' with her and not me? like wtf did i ever do to you. its your problem you took her side with this whole thing. and don't get me wrong, i am NOT keeping on with this, but that angers me. and why would she go to your lame party when there is no one that is actually decent going? and have fun bitches, if you want to be like this, you get to deal with this in italia bitches. =)

let the rain fall down and wake my dreams, let it wash away my sanity.

i wish i could come to terms and just tell everyone what i think of them. im sick of people using me and making fun of me. i just dont know what to think anymore. now that i am going on this trip, i can't leave to the coast anymore. not till after i graduate.

im getting so stressed out about graduating. im probably going to have to go take courses at outreach so i can even get enough credits. i wish i didnt have such a shitty fashions teacher so i could get more than 2 fucking credits.

why did you decide to fucking apologize to her now? what are your plans even? i don't want my bestfriend getting taken away from me. i have already had too many things taken from me. im so afraid of being alone that i dont know what to do.

i just want to get away from it all.

you got a body like the devil.

so the travel club is going to italy & greece next easter and i was like, i deffs want to go. i have been wanting to go to greece since grade six and having the olympics in athens in '04 made me want to go even more. my dad is supposed to put down the deposit today and after he does that..... IMMA FCKIN GOING TO EUROPE AGAIN BITCHESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS.

on that note, i really dont think our little group is going to last that much longer. it is so divided and no one likes each other. yet they seem fine because they are still hanging around each other. i dont really know who to trust anymore or talk to besides my bff. ugh. life is just confusing right now. and a little stressful.