the light is white.

i am so angry right now.
1) i failed my math test and i am sure as hell sure i failed my science test too.
2) i HAVE to work on halloween. fuck.
i am so mad that only 3 people at work do anything (me included). the other guy doesnt do shit. im sick of working at places who dont hire reliable workers. i need a new fucking job that spaces my hours out. i wish i could of gotten hired at london road, or gap, or bluenotes. i am basically this close to quitting my job. no lies. because i honestly doubt i will get a decent job until i have quit. another reason i am mad is because of all this halloween stuff. this has been planned since forever and its like you cant have it off because you have had like 2 weekends off already. like fuck, thats not my fault. one weekend my fucking mother was getting married, the other, i didnt even know till like last minute. i obvs can't be at work when im in the fucking pass. fuck. i wish i had my cousins life. she has it so easy, she has looks that could kill and she has a husband that makes a lot of money, and has a nice house in calgary. fuck. i want to disappear.

you're a womanizer, oh.

so lately i have been really thinking about things. like how twilight is such bull shit and thinking about talking to her and him again. even though talking to her would be awkward and he wouldnt accept my apology. and i dont think i want to even live with my auntie renee anymore. i would rather live with my auntie gail or auntie sonya. because i like their lifestyles. i really wish adele hadnt came into my dad's life. she has fucked up everything. thanks to her my dad has probably moved at least once a year. i have had no bedroom that i could call my own. if they dont have a house soon enough, his chances of me living with him are slim to none. with adele being there they were already slim.
i hate that i am such a bitch to other guys. like bus boy for instance. all he wanted to know what was up. and i had to go and be a jerk about it and now i see him all the time. if i keep acting like this i will never get a date, or even later on in life, married. i mean, i really want to change the way i am and stop being so judemental but when you get to be the way you are and you have your habits, they are so hard to break. then there is school. science i am doing pretty good in but math is another story. i really hate it. and when my dad talks to me about it, he wont be happy with my grades. but who ever said i was going to tell him in the first place. not unless he got them faxed or something. i dont really know what to think.

i am thinking of you.

• why are am i on your friends list if you like me that much?
• its october. my mom is married. i need to let go.
• i hope i get a job at bluenotes or gap. that would be ballin'
• LOL jamie lynn spears is a SLUT.
• i dont know why you wont tell anybody. its not good to bottle up your emotions. i would know. if you dont tell anyone what happened, i will start guessing.
• what was with the move on wednesday?
  
• it is nice knowing that you have people that care for you. i am starting to feel like i have more friends. its nice being close and talking to someone different.
  
• i am happy that you were able to let go. they were not worth your time. you would have been something you arent if you were still with them.