disturbia.

oh wow. it has been quite the weekend. the wedding was freaking awesome, supposedly im a great photographer... considering a career in that. danced my ass off. drank sooo much pop. got a huge ass blister on my big toe. but it was all worth it. on my birthday, i got my cake i wanted! driving for 4 hours seems like death when you have to pee the whole way.. but i now know what i want for my birthday... a sewing machine! but supposedly they are like 600 bucks for a 'not so basic' one. i also want a good camera. like a canon. i like those. but today i have been soo tired. i dont know why. bahh i cant wait. im leaving again in 6 days! i got to make sure i can get the next 2 weeks off for my trip. i cant wait till hannah comes back to new dynasty. i will die without her. pce.

crush. crushing. crushed.

i dont know what to think at the moment. so many things are going on its just like blah. my great uncle paul died today. amber cant hang out today (what a surprise -_-). my birthday is in 4 days, and my auntie is buying me a slabbery cake =). my cousin asked me to be the photographer at her reception. i hope i can have some fun too. yesterday i ate like nothing and i had the worst headache ever so i went to sleep at like 7. then woke up at 10. i also found out that audrey kitching's birthday is the day before mine! which is pree fckin sweet. i want to celebrate with her. too bad im not 21... i dont think my sweet sixteen will be all that sweet. my mom is moving in january, and i havent a clue what to do. i mean if i stay here, i dont know where to stay. because we all know that there's no way in hell im staying with my dad.


I wish I could disappear, and run away from all of my fears, I think
I'm coming undone. So stay the night, I promise that I won't bite,
Cause without you there, I don't think I could close my eyes. How
Do I end up this way, a constant knot in my gut tied with
Uncertainty and with lust. A classic case I suppose a haunted
Man who cant outrun his ghosts, there in my skin and my bones.

don't trust a hoe.

honest to fuck. you are making me so fucking mad. you are being such a bitch to me. you owe me so much money its not even funny. its none of your business who paid for my nails or whatever. its not like your paying for anything of mine. you make me want to fucking die. same with your little 'wifey'. no one fucking likes her. she thinks she can run the fucking world. one of these days im going to come up to you and say that im gay. i would like to see the expession on both of your faces. you have never been able to accomodate me with her around and wanting a better house and moving all the fucking time. i liked it before anyone. when we were at st.james. and you made me milkshakes and you let out the couch so i could sleep on it, watch movies till midnight. now you make me milkshakes with fucking protein powder because your lovely darling wife thinks im going fucking anorexic. she is one of the most shittiest mothers out there. she fucking kicked her daughter out at 12! who the hell does that. honestly. im not coming over until you know what you are doing. you cant make me do anything anymore. im pretty well fucking 16. you need to honour that.

hot and cold.

i am kind of mad at you. how you brag like 'oh i might be getting this pierced' or 'i might be getting this phone'. you are pretty spoiled. like you are probably gonna get 200 dollars worth of shit for your sixteenth. i probably wont get that much. i hate it when you brag to me. you dont know how that makes me feel. it makes me feel like you are superior to me. like you have all these better things then i do. sometimes i think you have a loud mouth and sometimes you need to keep some stuff to yourself. yah i realize that your probably jealous of my new phone. but you just want to get something better then me. to make you feel better. whatever.
im excited for my birthday. nine days! oh yah. i have to remind donny for next weekend off. i cant wait for august in general. the coast, freaking warped tour with hannah, raeanne, and amber. fuck. its going to be amazing. oh yah. and mother fucking breaking dawn on august second. cheaaaaaaaaaaa.

you make me love you.

i wish you knew how much i think about you. it seems to be everyday now. its heart breaking to me that it will never happen. your such a ladies man, and i dont truly think you really want a relationship. look at how and why your last one failed. you dated for like what, 2 weeks. she fucking threw herself at you. she wanted you. in class, i would peep over at you and i would catch you looking my way. each time you talked to me was awkward, because you dont know how to start a conversation, but it was like i was talking to someone famous. if i do leave, you will be on my mind more then ever. i think at some point, i will hit a break point, and will just weep. im scared to be alone. i really want you. i hope some day you come to terms and realize it for yourself. until then, i will be waiting in the winds for you.

damn skippy.

fux yes! its summer! that means only 25 days till my birthday. and danielle has a new job! thanks to hannah! so, i had a sleepover with my cousins (lame, i know) and one of my cousins showed me some hilarious saturday night live videos on youtube. they are dear sister, punched in the face before eating, and coin slot creme. holy shit. the dear sister one was sooo funny. but so was the punched one. yesterday it rained horribly. down the street from where i live the water was to my knees. it was ridiculous. ugh, i keep on thinking about him lately. its so bad. i really need to see him. as if you see him and not me. fuck. im going to go crazy. oh well. i will have some things to distract me coming up soon. im probably going to have to go to a funeral pretty soon. god i hate funerals. and this one is in stettler. at least im going to be the guesbook person at my cousins wedding. the day before my birthday! oh man im soo stoked out of my mind for the august trip too. can't wait. summer oh eight, lets make this one a blast.