tricky.

i am growing more and more jealous of my friends. im jealous of their jobs, family, and their stuff. yah, its only stuff, but i always wish that i had that. since i was in elementary, i always thought i got cool things for christmas. but when i got back to school from holidays everyone was saying what neat things they got. i wish that i could overcome this. and just be happy with what i have got. when i talk to you, and i watch and do the same things as you, i always think your going to get mad at me. but you dont. i like the person you are. i wish i could be more like you. i dont think you know how much i look up to you. you do so much for me. i really wish i could repay you. i am going to miss you this summer.

colorful.

so i just finished watching the whole two seasons of skins. it was fucking amazing. does anyone know how i can get the skins soundtrack..? because i cant find barely any songs i like. i mean, its a great show. its nice to know that i have something to relate to. last night i had a better sleep. even though i went to bed at like 12. i got a twelve hour sleep. and i havent gotten out of the house since monday. but all weekend i stayed home. my mom doesnt do shit anymore. she never tells me anything thats going on. and its pissing me off. whatever. its not like im going to her wedding anyway. i have decided i want a voice coach. i want to have a british accent. because its hot. lol. i doubt my summer is going to be all that great. oh well, as chris says, "fuck it".

personal.

so today has been a rollercoater ride for me. at first i was like really nervous, because i had a science final today, then i was happy, because i was done the exam and i found out that i could go to briannes wedding shower, then i got sad, because well of a reason you dont need to know. and now i dont know whether i want to go to her shower or not. i would rather get wasted out of my mind. i dont want to remember much these days. my mom and manwhore got in a arguement im going to call it. and my mom isnt telling me anything about what they said. like fuck. im so frustrated right now. i dont even know if i want to go to her wedding. ugh. i wish i could just escape. i could use a drink or 4 right now. and to boot, my uncle is going to convince me to go to my mom's wedding. i dont give a shit what anyone says, i am not going. "i dont know what kind of girl i am." i want to go somewhere for a while. oh well you look at that. there's the party next weekend. and the only fucking reason i am even going in the first place is because my one cousin cant go. and its only supposed to be '18+'. so im going to be such an outcast. i mean, i will have my cousin there with me, but i mean, shes not going to be with me all the time. and im not that much of a 'social butterfly'. ugh. and i dont want to go out and buy something to wear to this event. fuck. i dont know what to do. ugh. dear lord, help me. entirely.

midnight coward.

so yesterday was the last day of school. i barely got any yearbook signatures because everyone went downtown. oh well. then later we were planning on getting wasted. which we did. i had 2 watermelon smirnoff twisted things (really, it was one and a half, my second one spilled all over the carpet) and 2 tropical orange smoothie bacardi breezers. and in the middle of it, we were watching juno when the power went out. but at like midnight, we were really wasted and decide to go outside. but amber needed to pee. so they pee'd outside... ew. but we went down by lakie and angie was saying how if the police catch us, we are in shit. but we go down there and all of a sudden we like hear some noise and we book it. and i kept on pulling down my pants. and we go back inside and pretty much go to bed from there. then this morning i threw up. blah. (sorry) but when i was sober, we flew a carebears kite. it was pretty fun. i think vodka is my new fave drink. i am not going to drink for a very long while..

the beginning after the end.

its hard to believe that school is pretty well over. i mean, when you start the year off, it seems like forever until its summer again. but im so happy to be done. i dont want to just sit around for the first two weeks. thats what i usually do. then it feels like i wasted so much time i could of been doing stuff with my friends. i should start working out or something. i dont want to just sit and get fat. i should start going by myself. i shouldnt let other people get me down because they cant go with me. i will just go by myself. =) and meet some cute boys. lmao. like that will happen... god. i cant wait till my birthday. i wish i could have a masquerade party. that would be like my dream birthday. omg. i applyed at below the belt yesterday. i hope i get the job. that would make my life right now. lately i have been getting the worst headaches. -_- i guess its time to see the chiropractor again.

headlock..

i know i have been saying this statement wayy too much. but i dont care. fuck my life. i hate social more then ever. and same goes to my father. right now, i think we/i am sooo fucked for this project. p.s: i need to talk to you asap. @&!*%#$!&$# i pretty much want summer right now. oh, i and got the dress =). im not looking forward to this next week because my mom is going to regina from monday till thursday. and everyday of it is going to suck ass. monday shouldnt be all that bad. we are making burgers in foods, science we are going over some shit, fashions = work, social = ?. tuesday is going to be the ultimate death. double science + due date of the major project for social =s. wednesday consists of social final, the written part, *cries*. i really want this social project to work out. i feel like i am slacking. i owe my bff a lot right now at the moment. i want it to be briannes wedding. i get to be the person at the guestbook table.. if that makes any sense. i cant wait till rockband comes out. im probably getting the drum set =). i want to die, i can hear manwhore's snoring. -_-

you can't go back now.

ugh. worst week of my life. im sick. joy. right near those good ol' exams too. coincidence? i have no fucking clue. but it rained like a bitch this week. and it didnt make me happy. because im pretty sure thats what caused my sickness. and thus, i feel like doing nothing. and im going to kill myself tomorrow because we are cooking bloody tacos tomorrow. and i dont think that will help me. if i do anything tomorrow, it will be either cry or throw up. cry because i will do horrible on my science test (thank god byam isnt gonna be there). and throw up, well, need i explain more? so i think im just going to go to bed and read. because i had a bath. and that didnt help. i had some yummy tea, and that didnt help. as i always say, fuck my life.

twelve days.

so i quit my job last weekend. and im so happy i did. they didnt see it coming. my manager was and still is a idiotic moron. but now, im jobless. and i need another job. it really sucks to be 15 because the only jobs that you can really get are in the food industry. and i am not working there again. so far i think im going to apply at future shop. i could do cash, maybe? or stocking shelves. i dont know. i just need to buy lots. i want a new cell phone. i want the new lg venus. lg's are nice phones. lg is just nice altogether. i also want wii fit, rockband (which is coming out for wii the 24th!!!), that ruffle dress, and a bunch of other things i cant think of right now. lol. i havent told my dad yet. and when i do, im making sure he is alone. so that adele cant say shit. and im telling him i am not a quitter. fuck the quitter shit. bahh. i am sooo excited only twelve days till school is out! i guess that means i should start studying. i am so scared. i dont want to fail science. its the number one failed class. =/ social, i am kinda scared for too. but i should do okay. fuck globalization. fuck my life.