Leap Day. 2008.

so today is leap day. so for today i have has 3 tests, and going for an interview. so hopefully it works out. i really want to go to cancer bats tomorrow and also go to city and colour. but i dont think my mom trusts me to go. and its not fair. i want to have a life and get out, but shes always so tired. i mean, i know what shes getting at, but still. i dont want to be locked up in the house all the time.
i really wish i didnt have jealousy. i get jealous all the time. even if its something small. like an item of clothing (okay, so thats not really jealousy, its more envy) or a phone, or boyfriend. im not gonna go there. i be myself everyday. and people mock me. and i think my friends mock my dreams too. maybe i need new friends. or i just need to get out.

the sound of our voices made us forget everything.

fuck, i need to push him out of my mind. before i go insane. or get more sad. i dont like being sad. but luckily i have friends that make me happy and being with happy people makes it hard for me to be sad. which is good. and it makes me not think of him. and plus, i dont even think he likes me like that. even though i do... jesus, this sucks.

Brit Awards Are Sex.

i feel like i havent been accomplishing much these days. i need something to do that is productive and 'hands-on'. like, i have always wanted to curl. but my mom never signs me up. its retarded, because i feel like im having to do everything myself, which i shouldnt have to be in this alone. i need to start doing my homework, and going for walks, or something to that sort.
fuck me, i want cinnamon streusel mini-wheats.
i wish i could go live in london or milan. thats where the fashion is and that's a place that is far away and i dont have to deal with the 'lethbridge scene' and living situations. hell, maybe i would have a better chance at a job at either of those places.
in fashions, i totally wanna make a pair of wicked awesome skinnies that have some awesome pattern, like a leopard print or something. i need to go find some fabric first. i also want my mother to buy me this outfit on jessica louise. click here =)

this is serious business.

im so happy that manwhore is gone. its always less tense when he leaves. i hate it how he is starting to act like my second father. i already have a second mother. -_-
it just sucks. because i feel like i have to please both my parents. like i want to be at 2 places at once, but i can't. sometimes i wonder what it would be like if things were different. like if my parents were still together. and they weren't like what they were... a girl can dream.
i didn't get the chance to do my stalking. we didnt go to church. how ironic..
i hate how i freak myself out. like, sometimes i freak myself out about death, and being alone forever. it almost scares me to the point that i want to breakdown.
when i cry, its not usually when im physically hurt, but when im emotionally hurt. it sucks. the only thing that keeps me going right now is music. it seems that some artists are compliant with you. and know what you are going though. sometimes that realization makes me cry.

urgh. i swear, im going to either
1) kill myself
2) kill everybody else.
because i would rather be dead then be on this world right now. i mean, i cant help myself. i swear,i wouldnt be surprised if i have ocd. i dont want to drift apart. can i cry now?

i need to stop eating micro mini eggs..

okay so manwhore is here. and if anyone doesnt know who he is, he's my mom's fiancee. to tell you the truth, i hate him. he doesnt know how to treat me because he has never really been around teenagers in his life. and he thinks i do bad things. at least i didnt go off and blow up apple trees using household chemicals. sheesh.

i think im going to start cutting back on swearing. i dont think that the guys think that its all that attractive. plus, i want to try to be a better person to myself and to others.

i seriously wonder if he goes to my dad's church. if he did, i could totally do some stalking. god. i also found his facebook too. i was staring at it for at least 15 minutes. i dont know if i should add him. but then and again he doesnt know, so what could be the worst that happens. 'oh yah, i know you like me.' that would mean some serious business. oh my. i cannot start saying that again. i got my cousin and her friend to start saying it. oh god. the teenage 'chat speak'.

touch me.

today i got my hairrr done. =) its purple underneath. and like dark brown, almost black, on top. it looks so awesome. it took two and a half a fucking hour. the bottom had to be bleached twice. getting it bleached wasn't fun. there were many times i wanted to gag or throw up because of the smell. and my hair still smells like hair dye. its disgusting. but i love it. my mom doesnt want me to get my hair dyed after this so that it doesnt wreck my hair. i eventually plan on shaving my hair off and giving it to cancer. so that someone with cancer can have their hair back. omfg. but srsly. in social, that was just hilarious. im going to be obsessed with that song now just because im obsessed with him. i swear, i lol'd so hard. i wish....

many things.

so, im getting my hair done tomorrow. and im pree stoked. i want it to look something like audrey kitching. but it wont be pink. because i dont think pink hair would look all that good on me. i also wish i could get a piercing. if my family wouldnt spazz, i would probably get a nose or belly button piercing.

i wish my mom would let me use her credit card so i could buy things online. because most a lot of stores are overrated and people will most likely have the same things as you. then that doesnt make you original.

i think i will start blogging on here. so that it doesnt make me a blog whore. lololololol.

im kinda crazy for you.

im really crazy about him. i need to stop obsessing because i dont usually get what i want. you seem to like me. and i can return those feelings. ugh. i wish my family wouldnt be all 'i need to get my shotgun ready'. like, im sure you had your fair share of crushes. i mean, he's a pree dece guy. today felt special. i miss you already. tomorrow we have a double so i can see your lovely face for 2 hours.

dj tiesto is yummy.

sometimes i wonder if things were different. like if i was brought up in a different family. or if i had an unconditional boyfriend or something. would that make me a different person?

Oh Haii, August 2, Please Come NAO!

so i was thinking, maybe i should go take a "break" at my aunties this weekend. my dad probably wouldnt be pleased, but what can he do about it.

who's sorry now?

anywho, im almost done the twilight series for the third time in a row. once im done eclipse, im heading on to wuthering heights. then to a new book i recently aquired called vampire acadamy. i cant wait till breaking dawn comes out. like im so fucking obsessed that im going to eventually get a shirt that says 'Real Men Sparkle' on it. yes, im that hardcore. and when i go see the movie, im totally gonna take a sign that says "if you dont shut up during the movie, Victoria will come hunt you in your sleep". i would totally do that. omg, i want that blue hoodie, and shorts.
http://www.shopjessicalouise.com/vagiho.html
and
http://www.shopjessicalouise.com/vampireshorts.html

i wish they werent expensive...

Life..

okay so last night when i went to my aunties house to watch house and la ink my auntie gail called my mom and asked if i wanted to take a "break" and go stay at her place for some time. my dad calls me and asks for my mother, then my mom goes off into her room, so i try and sneak so i can hear. so they are going to go "talk" even though im not sure how well its going to be a civilized conversation between them both. like is so fucked up right now. because im not going to go live with my dad when my mom moves out to comox. so if i had to choose who i wanted to live with, i would probably choose my auntie gail because she understands me. we both can't get along with my stepmother even though how hard we try. i mean, shes a total know-it-all bitch. like she fucking kicked out her daughter when she was only 12. and like they were living in a small town, so where the fuck is she supposed to go. like even though she was doing drugs, don't kick her out, get her some help and keep her inside from the dealers. like holy shit. learn how to fucking parent. just don't use me as a fucking experiment. and i need a job. like i swear, i will just fuck it up. urgh. if someone could refer me to some place, that would be great. i just want out of this whole fucking mess and that it would be happy before bitch and manwhore suddenly popped up.

haii, thurrr.

So, my friends got a blog thing, so, i got one. because well,
i follow people. And Im cool like that. =)